Prologue.
What do you know about depression? Maybe you don't remember what it means, or maybe you remember it very well and have experienced it like I have. But some people think that it only affects a few people when it can happen to any of us and we feel so lonely that we just want to get it over with once and for all. However, I'll tell you one thing: you've got it all wrong. Depression is an illness, a mental disorder that can be cured. Because if you have enough faith to see that life is worth living, then you are saved.
I used to believe that my life was lousy and so boring that I spent my days either reading or watching TV. I lost interest in the world around me, my family, my friends... All I wanted was to be left alone. And after a while, that wasn't enough. So I opened a box of Doliprane and swallowed every single pill. And here I am in a hospital, in a deep coma.
*****
Chapter One.
"Amber," I heard in the distance. "Amber, wake up," the voice repeated softly. My heavy eyelids began to lift little by little, weakening for a moment from the brightness. I felt sore from sleep as if all my muscles were made of cotton. Then, adjusting to the light, I could make out familiar figures around me.
"Amber, are you okay, sweetie?" my mother asked, a hint of concern in her words.
"Yes, yes, I'm fine," I replied bitterly.
I straightened up on a particularly uncomfortable bed to face my family, putting my embarrassing brown curls back in place. My little brother, Tony, had tears in his eyes, barely holding them back. He was standing next to my mother, Natalie, an elegant woman in her impeccable outfit that fit perfectly with the curves of her beautiful body.
A man suddenly stepped forward and spoke. Half-listening, I detailed him carefully. I didn't know him, but his white coat and rough tone gave me a sense of his function.
"Amber, are you listening, please?" my mother said reproachfully. "The doctor is talking to you about... your illness."
"But I'm not sick!" I shouted. "Mom, there's something wrong with me. When are you going to realize it?"
There was an awkward silence in the dimly lit room, interrupted by the incessant beeping of the surrounding machines.
"Your problem, Miss, as I just told your mother, may be due to the relationship you have with her and your family in general," said the doctor after a long moment. "However, we are here to help you and while you are sleeping, your mother has decided to place you in the section of the hospital that deals with these kinds of problems. Of course, you will meet people with other pathologies than you but... "
"Wait! She did what?" I cried.
"Amber, you need to get better, I need you to get better," my mom began. "It will do you good, you'll see."
"No, you don't get to decide my life," I replied fiercely. "Why do you think I took those pills? It's not..."
"Amber," Tony suddenly interrupted me, "please, for once, accept our help. I'm sick of seeing you like this."
Looking at my brother as if it was the first time I had really noticed his presence in the room, I saw his look of sadness and realized that I had acted selfishly. I smiled at him and held out my hand to him. He accepted it gently and joined it with his own.
"Don't worry about me," I said, addressing him, "I'll accept and I promise you I'll try..."
My voice suddenly died out without me being able to control it. Coming to my senses, I turned to the doctor and spoke again.
"Will I still be able to see my family?"
"Of course," he replied. "They will be allowed to see you on weekends only, but once a month you will have the pleasure of doing an activity outside the institution with your new friends from here."
"Doctor, can you explain to her what this program is all about?" asked my mother.
"I'm not actually part of it, but I know enough to tell you. In a few words, you will have individual and group interviews with professionals who will help you understand your struggles and you will also go to classes with people of the same age so that you can continue your studies."
As I absorbed this information, I did not realize that I was going to be alone in this new ordeal. When the light came on in my mind, I felt a shiver run through my body and countless questions began to rush through my head. In my thoughts, I did not hear what the doctor was saying.
"Miss, do you have any questions?"
"Not at the moment," I said wearily, not feeling up to an interrogation.
I lay back on the hard mattress and curled up against the covers. I heard footsteps coming toward the door behind me. Then I closed my eyelids and drifted off to sleep.
*****
Chapter Two.
The next morning, I changed my room for one with more cheerful colors and a comfortable bed. My new room. This thought gave me some satisfaction. My mother had already put my things there. After putting them away, I took some time to analyze the nooks and crannies of the room. It wasn't very big, but that was more than enough for me. It had furniture and cupboards big enough for my clothes, a beautiful wooden desk and two sofas facing a television. Then I was interrupted by a man in his thirties, dressed in a light blue jumpsuit with the name Parish on a pin.
"Hi Amber, I'm Dr. Parish. I will be your regular doctor. So don't hesitate to ask me for anything you want: help, advice, anything at all, okay?"
I nodded my head in agreement and he continued his speech.
"So, to call me, you'll need this beeper, you press once for emergencies and twice for other needs."
He handed me an object as big as a poker chip. I examined it carefully and found my first name in small, barely legible print on the back.
"And here is your schedule," he continued, handing me a cardboard sheet.
As I read it, I was amazed at the hours of free time I had. The weekends were all free and I finished every day at 4:00 pm. It was better than high school:
MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY SAT-SUN
8am - Sport Class - Class -
9am Class Sport Class Class Class -
10am Class - Work Class Nursing -
11am Psychology Class Work Nursing - -
12pm Lunch Lunch Lunch Lunch Lunch Lunch
1pm - Group - Class Psychology -
2pm Class Class - Class Sport -
3pm Class Class - Work Sport -
4pm Work - - Doctor - -
5pm - - - - - -
Only I didn't understand the subjects very well. "What are the classes called Nursing or those called Doctor?" So I asked Dr. Parish my questions.
"Oh, don't worry!" he replied enthusiastically. "The Doctor's is a time to talk to me and the Nursing's is when you talk to nurses to see how you're doing here. You'll see, everything will be fine and I hope you'll like it here."
"I have more questions for you," I said, thinking.
"Go ahead!" he encouraged me.
"In the evening, I eat at the time I want, right?"
"Your dinner will be brought to your room, so yes, you can eat whenever you want. But at lunchtime, you'll go to the cafeteria."
"Okay. What about the classrooms?"
"I was waiting for you to ask me that," he said with a smile. "We're just going to take a tour so you know the hospital and all the rooms you'll be going to later. Are you ready? Or can we do it another time?"
"I'm ready!" I exclaimed, as I had nothing else to do.
I followed him down the hallway and we made our way up the five floors that made up the hospital. The latter was huge and the journey lasted several hours until he left me in the cafeteria a little before noon.
*****
Chapter Three.
Having chosen my food from the buffet, I headed for a free table. I moved quietly forward when a person addressed me from across the room, startling me.
"Hey, new girl!" a male voice called out from a table.
Turning toward it, I saw a young blond man with amber eyes that contrasted with the dark sky. He was accompanied by a group of friends consisting of two boys and a rather thin girl.
"Hm?" I said, puzzled.
"You can come to our table, if you want."
"Oh uh... Ok, thank you!" I said as I sat down, surprised by his kindness.
"I'm Logan, by the way," he introduced himself.
"And I'm Amber."
"So Amber, what are you here for? I mean, what's your illness?"
"Uh...," I whispered.
"Oh, that's okay! You don't have to explain yourself. A lot of people don't, you know."
"No, it's just telling a complete stranger," I replied, frowning.
"You don't trust easily," said the famous Logan.
"Is that a problem? And you, why are you here?"
"And why would I tell you?" he replied.
"Because you don't seem to be ashamed of it."
"You have a point! You've got me figured out, I guess. In short, I am a drug addict," he admitted as if nothing had happened.
"And I'm depressed," I admitted.
"Was that so hard to confess?"
"Oh, come on, Logan!" exclaimed a jet-black-haired girl sitting across from him. "I'm Ellie and these are Ben and Cody."
They waved at me and went back to their meal. I thought it appropriate to follow them and started my entrance. My tray consisted of a green salad, a roasted chicken dish that smelled delicious, with beans and an apple for dessert. The food was much better than the one in high school and I enjoyed it with relish. When I looked around, I saw that Ellie had hardly touched her food.
"Aren't you eating?" I asked, curious.
"Oh no, I'm not hungry," she replied in a gruff voice.
"Ellie has anorexia," Ben warned me in a whisper.
"Oh, I didn't know," I whispered softly.
It was then that I realized that there were people with more serious conditions than mine, and I understood my mother's reasons for doing this. We all need a little help at some point, whether we like it or not. We just have to accept the support that our loved ones willingly give us. At this thought, my lips stretched into a small smile of delight.
*****
Chapter Four.
Finally, I take back what I said earlier in the cafeteria. I don't want my mother's assistance anymore. I don't need it. I can take care of myself. And leaving here would be the best thing that could happen to me. Indeed, I was in a dark room with no heat and no windows. The psychologist, sitting quietly in her chair, was staring at me with an abject look while waiting for my answer. Nevertheless, I did not wish to say a word.
"Amber, at some point, you're going to have to talk about everything that makes you feel bad about yourself," she said. "But let's start more slowly then. Tell me about your family."
"Do I have to?" I asked rudely.
"If you want to get better, yes."
I took a deep breath and relaxed slightly. After all, she'd made an effort to change her questions, so it was my turn to do the same.
"I have a 10-year-old brother named Tony. He loves basketball and superhero action figures. My mom is a lawyer so we don't see her around the house much. She works a lot, that's why."
"I see," said the psychologist. "And your father?"
"My father left after Tony was born. I haven't seen him since, or talked to him or anything."
"You must feel abandoned and neglected, right?"
"No, I would say disappointed," I admitted.
"And why?" she insisted.
"Because he could have at least given Tony some of his love instead of leaving us overnight like he did. He could have written to us, what does it cost him to do that? Nothing!" I explained.
Suddenly, a watch rang and the psychologist sat up abruptly. She gathered her papers and closed the file on her lap.
"Oh, I didn't see the time," she said calmly. "The session is over. It was nice to meet you, Amber. So we'll see you on Monday at 11:00, right?"
"Yes," I said, looking at my schedule.
"Well, good luck and welcome," she announced, smiling at me. "If you ever need anything, just come see me, I'm always in this room anyway."
"Besides, it's not very welcoming," I admit.
"Oh yes, but there's no other room for me to sit in, so I don't really have a choice."
She opened the door and for a moment I was blinded by the light coming from the hallway.
"You're right, I need a place with windows," she said, blinking. "Goodbye Amber and next time you can call me Kate."
"Goodbye!"
I walked out the door and headed for the gym, walking a little faster for fear of being late for my first gym class. Truth be told, this woman wasn't mean, unlike what I thought at the beginning of the session. My behavior had been inappropriate and I needed to get to know people before I judged them. Maybe my trouble was with myself and not with others?
*****
Chapter Five.
Exhausted by the two hours of exercise, I slept like a baby and when I woke up, my body was aching. Luckily it was the weekend and I was going to get some rest. After a good breakfast, I sat down peacefully on one of the sofas and watched TV lazily. After fifteen minutes, I was interrupted by a clearing of my throat and discovered Dr. Parish in the doorway, which had been left ajar to air out the room.
"I hope I'm not disturbing you?" he asked, concerned.
"Oh no, I was just watching a show," I answered immediately.
"I wanted to know if everything was going well here for you, if you were adapting well to the environment of the center?"
"Oh, it's fine," I assured her. "Besides, I like my room."
"Well then," he laughed. "Did you make any friends yesterday?"
"I met a group of people but I'm not really friends with them yet, I don't know them that well."
"You will, you'll see!" he assured me. "The people at the center accept newcomers easily, they understand them quite well because some have the same problem. Maybe you'll find someone like that, too."
"Like you said, we'll see," I said casually.
"Well, I'll leave you to it then. Enjoy your day!" he said.
"Thank you, and you too!" I said as he walked down the hallway.
As I went back to my work, I didn't see the time pass and soon, noon arrived. I wasn't very hungry but I forced myself to eat a small meal in order not to make my body suffer more. Taking those drugs had damaged my limbs considerably, making me weak, but at the time, it hadn't crossed my mind. Lost in my thoughts, I bumped into someone who brought me back to reality.
"Hey, are you okay?" asked a slightly worried Logan.
"Yes, I'm fine. I was just thinking," I explained, calmly. "I'm sorry for rushing you."
"Don't worry, there is no harm," he answered.
Then, I was heading back to my room when he stopped me by grabbing my arm. I turned around with an inquisitive air.
"Uh," he said embarrassed, "have you finished eating?"
"Yes, why?" I asked, intrigued.
"Do you want to go for a walk?" he proposed me.
"The two of us?"
This question came out of my mouth without me being able to hold it back. I was surprised by the audacity I had shown.
"Well, just a little way, then we'll meet Ben, Ellie and Cody."
"Ah, well, I'm in," I agreed.
He led me through some strange passages in which we didn't encounter anyone. Then we went through a side of the hospital that I didn't know. I began to worry slightly. Where was he taking me? Finally, he stopped in front of a small, dilapidated room where laughter was coming through the iron door. As he turned the handle, I could see the young man's three friends. I looked at them carefully for the first time. Cody, a dark-haired guy with almond eyes that shone in the dim light, was tall and must have been about 18. Ben, the largest of the group, had the same hair color as Cody, only darker and more colorful, thanks to his resplendent jade eyes. In the semi-darkness, I could see Ellie's thinness better, hiding it with her long black mane. Her brown pupils were framed by long eyelashes of the same shade as her hair. As for Logan, his amber eyes were simply sublime and when they plunged into mine, blue-grey, I could not help blushing. Then, he smiled at me and entered the room, joining his friends.
"Make yourself at home," said Cody with a laugh that sounded fake.
That's when I saw what he was doing. A bag of drugs was lying behind the old, worn-out couch. Then Logan helped himself and casually rolled a cigarette without noticing my outraged face.
"Am I dreaming or do you all smoke a joint?"
"Well yes, we all do it all the time," Ben replied.
"But you realize what you're doing!"
"No harm done," said Logan, rolling his eyes.
"And especially you, you shouldn't be doing this if you're a drug addict!"
"Oh that's good, who do you think you are? My mother, maybe?" he retorted. "Do you think that swallowing pills puts you above us?"
I was speechless at his words. How did he know why I was at the center? And no, I didn't think I was superior, but I knew the danger of drugs.
"You know, your disorder is the same as mine. Medication and drugs are almost the same thing," he added.
My heart sank and I felt squeezed in that dingy place. I turned and walked away without glancing at them. After all, if they wanted to hurt each other, that was their problem, not mine. However, his words came back to haunt me and I realized with difficulty that he was right. His pathology and mine were very similar. And I couldn't suppress this feeling of unease during that long weekend.
*****
Chapter Six.
The following Monday, I tried to avoid running into Logan or his friends as much as possible. Sometimes he would look at me and then immediately look away when I turned my head toward him. The uneasy feeling I had was getting worse when he was around. And it didn't get any better the next day. Especially during the collective meeting where everyone had to tell the others about their pathology. It was Ben who started.
"Hi, my name is Ben Meyer, I am 17 years old and I have a liver problem."
"Can you tell us how it happened?" asked the young doctor who was leading the session.
"I've been playing soccer since I was 5 years old and last year," he said, "I was encouraged to dope. So, stupid as I was, I took it. It gave me such a feeling that I abused it. Until I discovered that my liver couldn't take the doses."
"Well, it's your turn, Cody," said the doctor.
"Hello," said the young man with brown hair, "I'm Cody Blake, I'm 18 years old and I have a tumor in my left eye. It happened in the middle of a test, my eye started to hurt, and then it spread to my head. The pain was unbearable and I was taken to the emergency room."
The doctor brought in two more people and then it was Logan's turn.
"Hi, my name is Logan Reyes, I'm 17 years old and I'm a drug addict. That's it!"
"You're not very talkative today," said the doctor. "Anyway, your turn, Ellie!"
"Hi, my name is Ellie Jordan, I'm 18 years old and I have anorexia."
"Okay, let's move on to our newest recruit," he said, referring to me.
"Hi, I'm Amber Collins, I'm 16 and I'm depressed. I tried to kill myself when I saw my life become a huge chaos and that's why I'm here," I said as if I were a robot, emotionless and out of touch with reality.
The session continued but I didn't pay much attention. My feelings were racing through my body in a frenzy, making my heart vibrate in an unnatural way. Then I was startled when I heard the bell ring to signal the end of the meeting. I gathered my things, grabbed my bag and walked to the door.
"Amber," Logan said as he caught up with me on the way out, "I wanted to apologize for the other day. What I said was completely out of line. So there you go, I am sorry!"
"You know, you weren't wrong about us having the same disorder. I think it's true."
"No, no," he objected, "I said that under the influence of drugs and anger..."
"But you were right, I had no right to judge you the way I did," I interrupted him." It's my turn to ask for forgiveness."
"You know what? Why don't we just forget the whole thing?" suggested Logan.
"I absolutely agree!" I confirmed.
And since that day, Logan and I have become friends. In fact, we've all become friends, with Ben, Cody and Ellie. Actually, I had grown very close to her and found her to be a very nice girl. The next weekend, she invited me to her room, which was identical to mine but had lavish artistic decorations.
"Are you an artist?" I asked her, curious.
"Oh, I draw from time to time," she admitted with an indifferent air.
"Anyway, it's beautiful!" I exclaimed, impressed by her work.
Then we sat down and the conversation became more animated. I learned that she had been at the center for less than a year, but we didn't dwell on the subject because she didn't like to talk about it. I respected her decision and was just as grateful, not wanting to appear more vulnerable than I already was. Then the door knocked and we saw Cody in the doorway.
"Are you coming?" he said in a quiet voice.
"Okay," agreed Ellie, standing up.
"To go where?" I asked.
"A word of advice," said the girl with long jet-black hair, "never ask where we're going."
"Uh... okay," I murmured, puzzled.
And I followed them as they led me through a maze of corridors.
*****
Chapter Seven.
Back in my room, I was patiently waiting for my family to arrive. I was sitting comfortably on the couch reading a magazine when someone knocked on the door. I got up and walked in that direction to open the door. Surprised to see only my mother, I let out a sharp hiccup. Coming to my senses, I asked anxiously:
"Where is Tony?"
"Oh, he's at a basketball game, he couldn't make it," my mother replied.
A moment of awkward silence rushed through the room like a blast of cold air.
"So, how are things going here?" she asked me, anxiously.
"I'm fine," I said in a monotone voice.
The silence returned, heavier than a minute earlier. My mother fidgeted with her hands in anguish. My head was buzzing with my questions. What was I doing in that dark room? I wanted to be with my brother, to cheer him on and support him, but instead I was stuck in this hospital. What if he lost because I wasn't there to support him? It would all be my fault! What kind of sister was I? The answer was simple: an atrocious, selfish sister. I couldn't blame him for hating me, I hated myself. Suddenly a voice spoke up.
"You could talk to me a little more, Amber! We don't see each other much anymore."
"Hm, hm," I shrugged my shoulders.
"Amber!" she exclaimed, a hint of anger in her tone.
"What?" I retorted, turning my gaze to her. "I have nothing to say to you."
"Oh, really? After a week?"
"My life is so exciting, it's true!"
"Please talk to me in a different tone!" my mother shouted in exasperation.
"Then I'm leaving!" I exclaimed with disdain.
Turning on my heels, I passed my mother, who was looking at me with a surprised expression, and ran down the hall. I ran on and on in a horrible blur. The world around me seemed dull and uninteresting. Then I was jostled by a fairly muscular body that threw me to the ground. The shock took my breath away and tears of fury blurred my vision.
"Amber?" a male voice said in amazement. "Are you all right? I didn't hurt you?"
Swallowing my rage, I discerned a familiar face before me. A pretty blonde head named Logan whose amber blue eyes shone in the light. Holding out his hand, I mechanically grabbed it to get to my feet. His skin was warm and soft, soothing my torments a little. However, I had to return to reality. Withdrawing my palm with a sudden gesture, I threw coldly:
"I'm fine, thanks!"
And I left with a decided step, going where my legs carried me. After fifteen minutes I stopped and leaned against a wall to catch my breath. When I looked around, I saw that a door was ajar. Stimulated by curiosity, I slowly approached it. Once inside, my eyes fell on the millions of boxes on the shelves. Names of medicines were written on them. On impulse, I grabbed a box of Dafalgan and swallowed the contents in one gulp. My body suddenly relaxed. The pain that had assailed me just seconds before had dissipated. My eyelids, getting heavier and heavier, closed without my being able to stop them. Then I fell into a deep sleep of death.
*****
Chapter Eight.
My awakening was not the most pleasant. On the contrary, when I opened my pupils, the light of the ceiling assailed me from all sides. My body was strewn with aches and pains that every movement stretched with pain. Then I felt a touch near my left hand that made me forget the pain.
"Hey Amber, are you feeling better?" said Logan, pressing his palm against mine.
"Uh," I said hoarsely.
"Amber," Dr. Parish interrupted me. "Do you realize what you've done to yourself?"
My lips pursed, I forced myself to remain silent. I knew only too well the mistake I had made. Unfortunately, I couldn't take it back.
"Amber, think carefully about the consequences of your actions next time," he continued when I didn't open my mouth.
"I am aware of that," I replied. "But only now, really!"
I pouted, disappointed in my own actions. Tears welled up in my eyes and I struggled to hold them back. I had to keep a cool head and be strong, even though I knew deep down it was impossible.
"Look, Amber, I know it's hard for you right now," Parish said. "You've only been here a short time and you're learning to adjust to a new environment. But we're here to help you. You can count on us, right Logan?"
The young man seemed to be in thought. He was startled when Dr. Parish addressed him.
"Yes, of course," he stammered, holding my hand firmly.
He sat back in his chair and looked into my eyes:
"Steve is right. Your friends care about you, Amber. I care about you. And I don't want to see you get hurt."
His words rushed through me with a sense of happiness. Logan cared about me? I was amazed. He hardly knew me. However, one detail struck me.
"Who is Steve?" I asked.
"That's me," said Dr. Parish, taking a step forward. "My name is Steve Parish."
"Oh...," I said, puzzled.
Then, abandoning my questioning, I turned to Logan, staring into his amber eyes.
"You... you care about me?" I stammered.
"Yes," he said, embarrassed. "You're a really nice, smart, resourceful girl! Does that surprise you?" asked the young man when I raised my eyebrows.
"Well, I guess I'll leave you to it," Dr. Parish muttered, heading for the door.
Paying no attention to the adult, Logan continued in a more confident voice:
"It's true, Amber! I've been watching you in class, and even though you're shy, I know you're very interested in what the teachers say."
"Maybe..." I admitted thoughtfully.
"Amber," he said softly, "stop looking at the bad side of things. The world is full of wonders. I can show them to you, if you want?"
I took a moment to consider his words. He had just transcribed perfectly what I was feeling. He seemed to know me better than I did. Maybe I should give him a chance to discover this world?
"And," Logan added, "I've decided to quit smoking, for good this time."
I was surprised by this revelation. My mouth was agape and I didn't know what to say. Fortunately, the young man spoke for me:
"I asked the others to stop too..."
"But why?" I suddenly interrupted him, my lips dry.
"Because you were right, the other day. We're hurting ourselves as much as you did when you took that drug."
I lowered my head, my features tinged with sadness. The pressure on my hand increased in an affectionate gesture.
"I'm... I'm sorry," he said, embarrassed.
"It's okay," I objected.
He let go of my hand and took my face so I could look into his. His touch gave me a strange feeling of well-being. Unfortunately, it only lasted a few minutes. He gently withdrew his palms and leaned over his seat.
"So?" he asked me. "Have you made up your mind?"
"Oh yes, sorry!" I exclaimed. "I'd love to know this world!"
A smile suddenly lit up his dimples. A blissful glow was visible, making the young man appear irresistibly charming. What was going on? Was I falling in love with him?
*****
Chapter Nine.
I found myself lying on the grass, soft as a cloud, while the birds sang their beautiful melody. The morning breeze cooled my face. Straightening up, I saw that my brother was playing and laughing next to me. The sound filled me with joy. A little further away, my mother was looking at us with a huge smile and talking animatedly with a figure that I could not make out. However, I didn't care, too focused on the sunny surroundings. I joined my brother on the swings in the middle of the garden and sat on one of them.
"You know," my brother said, "you're glowing today."
"Thank you," I said, caught off guard by his words.
I smiled tenderly at him and he smiled back at me before swinging his legs up into the air.
"Look," Tony shouted above me, "Mom and Dad look very happy!"
"Dad?" I hiccupped. "Is Dad here?"
"Yes," he said. "Where did you think he was?"
"But Dad left!" I said without understanding.
"Yes, but he came back. You're still angry with him, aren't you? Mom has forgiven him and so have I. You should do the same!"
Then he jumped up from his wooden seat and ran inside the house.
"Tony, wait! I didn't mean that!" I replied, following him.
However, I was stopped in my tracks by a hand that wrapped around my arm to hold me back. Suddenly I was propelled to the side of the figure that I could now see.
"Amber, leave him alone, he'll calm down on his own," said a male voice.
I slowly looked up and saw my father's tender face. His eyes were similar to mine, but lighter blue. His hair, cut short, had a dark tint to it, but it accentuated his charm. Wrinkles appeared in the corners of his lips as he smiled at me. The sun reflected off his skin, illuminating his prominent cheekbones.
"Dad?" I said incredulously.
Then I threw myself into his arms to feel his unreal touch against me. A little surprised by my reaction, he took a thousandth of a second to respond to my embrace. A pleasant warmth spread in my chest, filling my heart with happiness. He slid his palms along my back in a feeling of softness and security. Tears of joy ran down my cheeks, which turned red with emotion. Then my father's body became blurred and its contours indistinct. I looked at him with a bewildered look, not understanding the situation. However, I saw him smile and whisper to me in a distant voice: "I love you, darling". Suddenly, the landscape changed into a dull and cold veil, darkness suddenly invading my heart.
*****
Chapter Ten.
I woke up with a start, a cold liquid running down my back. Gasping for breath, I put my hands on my heart to slow it down, but the opposite happened. Then arms wrapped around my waist in a reassuring embrace.
"Hey, Amber, it's me Logan! It's okay, I'm here!" a soft voice exclaimed.
He slid his palm across my spine, sending sparks flying as he passed. I took several breaths and felt my heart rate gradually slow down. Then I turned back to the young man and saw his face tense up.
"What is it? What's wrong?" I asked worriedly.
Logan looked away, embarrassed, and answered in a weak voice:
"Nothing! You were mumbling in your sleep, that's all!"
"Logan, please?" I insisted.
"You... you were talking about... about your father, that... that he was back."
"Oh, I see," I said shyly. "My father left when I was little and I haven't heard from him since," I said, looking at his questioning face.
"Oh Amber, I didn't know. I'm sorry!"
"But why?" I asked, bewildered by his words. "It's not your fault."
"I know that, I just sympathize with you. You should let the people who care about you worry about you, help you and..."
He was interrupted by Ben, Cody and Ellie who entered the room, breaking the bond that had been established between Logan and me. The three of them sat down on the sofas in the corner of the room. Ellie looked saddened, her cheeks puffy, probably from dried tears.
"We came to see how you were doing," Ellie said as if to justify her presence.
"I'm better, thank you," I replied sincerely.
She seemed relieved and even smiled a little smile that she tried to hide. The pearls on her cheeks made her face suddenly peaceful, embodying from now on the quintessence of beauty. With a wide movement, she spread a few strands of sparkling jet-black hair and said:
"I was a little shaken by your... uh... fainting. I'm not sure what the best term is."
"That's okay. You can call it whatever you want," I said fondly. "Don't bother about it."
Cody, wanting to comfort her, put an arm around her shoulders while the girl put her head on his. It was then that I noticed their complicity. They must have known each other for a long time, in any case Ellie had never spoken to me about it. However, I perceived a certain mutual attraction between the two friends. "I'll have to talk to Ellie about it," I thought.
*****
Photo Credits: Pinterest
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