Chapter Twenty-One.
While I was packing, Ellie came into my room and sat on my bed.
"So, are you nervous about this trip to Italy?"
"Yes, very much so," I replied. "I can't believe Dr. Parish gave me this. All your gifts are wonderful. Thank you."
"Don't thank us, you deserve it."
"I'm sorry you can't come with us," I said.
"Don't worry, and have fun," she said in her sweet voice. "I'll stay with Ben and Cody."
"Cody, huh?"
"Yeah, we... we kind of kissed yesterday," she admitted in a small voice.
"What?" I exclaimed in surprise. "Tell me about it!"
"Well, do you remember when we left in a hurry?"
"Hmm, hmm," I said.
"After a while, we stopped and he approached me. My heart literally jumped in my chest at that point. Then he trapped me against a wall and kissed me," said the jet-haired girl.
"Well," I said. "Does that mean you're together?"
"That's the problem! I don't know anything about it and I think about it all the time."
"Do you want me to talk to Logan about it, maybe he knows about it and has talked about it with Cody ?" I suggested.
"No, it's okay. I'll talk to him, I mean, someday," Ellie said shyly.
"Yeah, someday far away," I laughed.
"What about you and Logan?" she suddenly said.
"What about me and Logan?"
"Oh, come on. I can see that you like him!"
"I don't know what you're talking about," I denied, blushing.
"You do not feel anything for him?" she asked.
"Yes, of course, I like him a lot and..."
"And you are attracted by him?"
"Yes," I confessed in a whisper.
"Well, go for it! What are you waiting for?"
"To tell you the truth, I've never been on a date before," I whispered.
"Oh, I see. You're a little apprehensive, but that's perfectly normal. Don't worry," she explained. "You still have to give Logan a chance."
"But what says that he likes me?"
"My gut feeling, honey. And it's never wrong."
I hoped with all my heart that she was right, because what I felt for Logan might be much stronger than I care to admit.
*****
Chapter Twenty-Two.
At 7:45 a.m. sharp, I joined Dr. Parish in order to deposit my bags finally ready in the car. The journey would be long, he had warned me. Especially since we were going by car from start to finish. Nevertheless, I was looking forward to the trip. My heart was jumping in my chest as the excitement of being in Rome filled me with joy. It had always been a city I wanted to discover because it was full of wonders and mysteries, but also because I had discovered it through Rick Riordan's Heroes of Olympus books. I was interrupted in my reflections by the hasty arrival of Logan.
"Sorry I'm late," he said breathlessly.
"By the way, why are you the only one who joins our trip?" I questioned Logan.
"Uh..., uh...," said the young man.
"I asked him to come along," said Steve suddenly. "It's always better to travel with a friend, right?"
"Oh, yes, of course," I replied.
"Well, let's go," the doctor announced as he closed the trunk where all our things were stored.
I sat behind him while Logan sat in the passenger seat. Steve turned on the ignition and we were finally on our way. I rolled down my window and let my hand fly in the pure air outside. I felt free at that moment. No weight was weighing me down, nor was I enclosed in my shell. I could finally breathe as I had not done for a long time.
The road was laborious but we arrived at our hotel before nightfall. Steve collected the keys to our rooms before heading to the restaurant.
"We've earned a good meal, don't you think?"
"Absolutely," said Logan. I'm starving.
"I'm not saying no," I added, feeling my stomach growl.
"Good! Let's go eat Italian!" exclaimed the doctor.
A quarter of an hour later, I tasted my dish with taste: pasta con basilico e fromaggio. Since the time I dreamed of coming here, I still couldn't realize that I was in Rome. The city of all wonders, in my eyes. Then we each went to our rooms, which were adjacent to each other. When I entered, I was amazed by the view that the terrace offered me: the Colosseum. The Colosseum was magnificent, with the twilight behind it giving it a sparkling appearance. I couldn't take my eyes off this magnificent picture. I cautiously walked to the window, opened it and went out into the fresh air.
"It's beautiful, isn't it!" said a male voice to my left.
"Logan?" I said, startled by his sudden intervention.
"Yes, who else?" he laughed.
"You scared me, you idiot!" I scolded him.
"Sorry, but I couldn't help it. You should have seen your face, you were like hypnotized.""
"I was! The Colosseum is just beautiful like that!"
"That's what I said," the young man commented with a sly smile.
"Shut up and look instead of laughing at me!"
There was silence, disturbed only by the noise of passers-by and the chirping of birds. I took a deep breath, feeling the soft caress of the wind on my face and relaxed, leaning on the railing in front of me, while contemplating the landscape with an air of wonder.
When the moon began to shine brightly in the sky and the coolness came over me, I decided to go inside. The room was huge, with a large bed with silk sheets and an adjoining bathroom, where there was a bathtub and a shower, depending on the guest's desire. This hotel was perfect!
I collapsed on the soft and comfortable mattress, sinking into the fine cushions whose fabric was as soft as velvet. Then, tiredness suddenly took hold of me and I sank into a deep sleep.
*****
Chapter Twenty-Three.
The next day, we left very early in the Roman streets, discovering as we went along the architecture of the ancient times. The cobbled streets were simply beautiful, surrounded by bright and colorful flowers. It was like springtime. The soft winter heat invaded us during our exploration of the city.
After a few hours, we decided to take a rest on a bench located next to the Trevi Fountain.
"Come on, let's make a wish!" I exclaimed enthusiastically.
"Oh, go ahead, both of you," said Steve, pointing to Logan and me. "Take a walk and buy some souvenirs!"
"Ok!" said Logan as he got up and started to leave.
"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" I asked, a little worried.
"Yes, you are young, enjoy! And then, I have some phone calls to make," added the doctor.
"Oh, okay! Are you going to call Mrs. Morse?"
"Amber, you're a shameless girl!" he said, blushing.
"Maybe, but I'm right!" I said, smiling.
Turning to Logan, I saw that he had a puzzled face. I motioned for him to be quiet, took his hand and led him away. His skin was smooth against mine and made my whole body tingle. A pleasant feeling came over me as we reached the fountain. Logan took out two coins and gave me one. I closed my eyes and prayed with all my might that my wish would come true. "I wish I was better. To heal, even if it takes a long time. Because I know it will take time. But I'm ready." And I tossed my coin. It wasn't so much a wish, but I wished it would come true from the bottom of my heart.
"Come on, let's go for a walk," Logan offered, holding out his palm, inviting me to take it as if he needed to feel my flesh against his.
"Yes," I agreed, linking my fingers with his.
This contact did me a lot of good and filled me with a pleasant fullness. We walked around the city like real tourists, taking picture after picture and marveling at everything we saw. We went to the Piazza Navona, a splendid square with a huge fountain whose water was of a majestic turquoise hue, where we tasted excellent Italian ice creams with a delicious flavor.
"You have some ice cream!" said Logan, smiling sarcastically.
"What? Where?" I asked, embarrassed and blushing.
"You know, you're beautiful when you blush!"
I didn't know what to say. He had taken me by surprise and I remained speechless in front of this declaration so much I was not used to this kind of compliment.
"Approach, I am going to remove it," he proposed.
I moved forward, putting the least distance between us. My breath became short and my pulse rapid. My heart was racing, as if Logan's presence was putting me in a state. Then he put his hand on my cheek and caressed my cheekbone. This made butterflies appear in my stomach. Then his lips touched mine in an exquisite softness. I melted inside and butterflies flew out of my stomach as the euphoria overcame me. I answered his kiss and he prolonged it, making it fiery and impetuous.
*****
Chapter Twenty-Four.
The following days were the most beautiful of my life. After Rome, we went to Venice, Milan and finally Ventimiglia, all majestic cities full of masterpieces. I was living in a daydream and I was afraid to get lost in reality. However, I could count on Logan who made me smile and laugh so much that I couldn't feel my jaw and didn't care about anything.
"So how is my girlfriend?" he asked me on the last day of our stay.
"Fine and you?"
"I've never felt better," he replied. "And it's thanks to you!"
I leaned towards him and kissed his soft lips. The fiery kiss sent a string of shivers down my spine.
"Ready for your last day in Italy?"
"To tell you the truth, I don't know. I want to go home, but I also want to stay here forever," I said.
"I probably shouldn't tell you this, but Steve and I have a surprise for you!"
"What? What is it?" I said, curious.
"It won't be a surprise if I tell you!"
He kissed me back and I enjoyed his kiss.
"Why?" I asked.
"Why what?"
"Why do you want to surprise me again? This trip with all these beautiful landscapes, the two of us, it already fills me with joy. I don't need more."
I meant it. More than I wanted to admit. I felt full of joy. It was the first time in a long time that I felt like this, that I felt good.
"Do you really want me to make a list of the whys?"
"Yes, I do."
"You deserve all these surprises. You are an amazing person who life has been unfair to. We shouldn't be abandoned by our parents. They are supposed to love us unconditionally. And you have managed to cope with it, on your own despite the difficulties. But the proof is that you're here, a survivor in the face of this crappy life you've had. And I'd like to make it better so that you don't have to suffer like before."
His words touched me to the core of my being. Tears began to flow down my face, not tears of sadness but tears of happiness. Pure happiness because I could feel the love in his tender words, soft as silk. My heart began to leap in my chest, resonating as loud as my feelings. For I had just realized something. I was falling in love with Logan Reyes.
"Hey," he said, stroking my back, "it's okay."
"I know, I'm just happy, that's all. And I don't know how to react to what you just said. It's so beautiful."
"Believe me, I don't say things like that every day. Most of the time I just say shit like that, because of the drugs."
"So why were you using? I know you told me it was partly because of your family, but I don't really understand."
"As you know, my relationship with my family is quite ambiguous. To sum up, we get along very badly and when I say very badly, like we used to yell at each other every day. So in order not to think about reality, to escape, to forget and not to feel anything, I took drugs. It also depended on my mood, but most of the time I took the strongest ones available. They lasted longer and that was what I needed."
"But you continued when you got to the center."
"Yes, I did. It became a habit and I got addicted to it. And believe me, it's hard to resist. It's like my body needs it, I feel the need all the time. But I try to think of something else."
"What?" I asked, curious.
"About... you, actually," he admitted in a small voice.
"About me? Is it working?"
"Yes, you manage to make me think of more cheerful things, to make me see the world from another point of view, a less negative one than before. And I much prefer that to drugs or my family life."
"I'm glad I'm here for you," I said with a thin smile.
*****
Chapter Twenty-Five.
I couldn't have been more pleased. I was beaming with happiness, my lips stretched into a huge, genuine smile. For once, I didn't have those belittling voices, they had stopped for a few hours, giving me a moment of respite. And I was relieved. It was as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
Steve and Logan had taken me to an aquatic center to fulfill one of my wacky dreams: to swim with dolphins. And it was incredible and magical. A moment I would cherish for the rest of my life. The dolphins' skin was soft and smooth to the touch as they swept me away from the shore. It was an intense feeling. Breathtaking.
After two hours in the company of these magnificent beings, we returned to the hotel. On the way, I couldn't help but ask:
"How did you know I always wanted to do this?" I said, turning to Logan.
"Your brother told me about it the day he came for your birthday," he said.
"He did?"
"Yes, he really cares about you, and he probably sensed that I did too. He's a good kid."
"Oh yes," I murmured more to myself than to anyone else.
Back at the hotel, I took a little nap and fell asleep right away because I was so tired. I was having more fun than I could have imagined, but all this was making me feel amorphous and I needed some sleep.
"Amber, we need to wake up. Steve's waiting for us to leave," said a distant voice as I felt myself shaking.
"Um, um," I said, still sleepy.
"Amber," the voice shouted louder. "Wake up!"
At these words, I turned abruptly and struck something. When I finally woke up, I saw Logan holding his cheek where I had inadvertently hit him. Then he laughed when he saw my face.
"What? It's not funny," I said, pushing him gently. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."
"Oh yes, it's funny," he laughed gently. "And I'm sure you're enjoying it too."
"Okay, maybe a little," I admitted with a shy smile.
When we recovered from our emotions, he quickly kissed me, took my suitcase and guided me to Steve who was waiting for us impatiently. Then, once we were ready, we left, far from Italy, far from a dazzling place where I had lived wonderful moments.
*****
Chapter Twenty-Six.
We arrived around two o'clock in the afternoon, exhausted and hungry. We were greeted by the director of the center, Mr. Friedman, and by Mrs. Morse and our friends. As soon as I got out of the car, Ellie jumped into my arms and hugged me tightly. Despite her thinness, she had incredible strength.
"I missed you so much, Amber! And you missed a lot," she said, excited to tell me all about it.
"I missed you too," I said, returning her hug. "I have to tell you things too."
"You'd better, I want to know everything."
"Everything? Don't tell her too much," Logan said, turning to me.
"What? No! No! I want to know EVERYTHING!" the jet-haired girl retorted.
"You have to leave some mystery," he replied.
"We'll see," she said.
Then we saw something we couldn't possibly believe. Without us realizing it, Kate approached Steve and after a short moment of embarrassment, they kissed ardently.
Then, with Ellie, I headed to my room where a tray full of food was waiting for me. I sat comfortably on my couch while Ellie sat in a chair across from me.
"You want some?" I said softly, pointing to the tray of food.
"Oh, I'm not hungry," she said, fidgeting with her hands.
An awkward tension settled in the room. I cleared my throat and changed the subject:
"So, what happened while I was gone?"
Her enthusiasm suddenly returned and her eyes began to glow with excitement, making me wonder what she was going to tell me.
"Well, actually, Cody and I are... we're back together," she admitted, blushing.
"I kind of figured that, actually. But tell me the details, how did it happen?"
"Well, since you and Logan were gone, we spent a lot of time together, with Ben too, but I think he was a little annoyed to see us there, together, doing nothing, when he knew something was going on between us. It must have shown on our faces and in our eyes. In short, as a result, we often found ourselves just the two of us. And as one thing led to another, we ended up kissing and talking about each other, about what it meant. And the best part was that he admitted to me that he never stopped loving me. How do you not want to succumb to that?"
"Uh...," I said without knowing what to say.
"Anyway, what about you? What's the most exciting thing about your trip?"
"The trip itself was incredible," I said, recalling the best moments. "And to tell you the truth, the most amazing thing is that Logan and I got closer, a lot closer in fact and..."
"And you're dating?" she interrupted.
"Yes," I agreed, blushing. "How do you know that?"
"It's pretty obvious, Amber. Logan's changed since you came here, he's quit drugs when that was his only way to escape and forget his problems. And you, in the blink of an eye, have made him forget his bad manners. It's because of you that he's changed because he wants to prove that he cares about you. And I've seen it since the day he first laid eyes on you. In fact, you should see how he looks at you..."
"How?" I couldn't help saying.
"With sparks in his eyes. Don't tell me you don't notice his smile every time you're near him?"
"Well no, it's not really something I pay attention to, to tell you the truth," I explained.
"Yes, that's understandable. But, the most important thing is that you make him happy and it must be at its peak now that you are a couple."
"I hope so. He makes me happy too, and even though it feels weird because I haven't felt that way in a long time, I'm grateful for it," I admitted.
"Then you should turn around," Ellie said suddenly.
I did as she said and found Logan standing by my half-open bedroom door. I got up and walked over to him as he stared at me as if he couldn't believe my words.
"I mean it, you know," I said, looking into his eyes.
"I know you do. I love you."
At these words, my heart leapt with joy and exploded into a thousand particles of pure happiness. Then I threw myself into his arms, catching him off guard, and embraced him like never before, transmitting all my love in that embrace.
"I love you too," I whispered in his ear.
*****
Chapter Twenty-Seven.
"Come on Amber, you can do it," Cody encouraged me.
However, I didn't feel brave enough to do it. I really appreciated their initiative but skateboarding was not for me. Ellie had stayed on the bench, a little further away, not feeling well at the moment, while the boys stood on the other side of the skate park.
"But I can't do it," I shouted back at them.
"Yes, you can," said Ben. "Come on! We're waiting for you!"
I was scared to death. Never having done any, they had made me put protections on all my limbs, but that hadn't prevented me from falling most of this lesson.
"I can't take it anymore, I can't feel my limbs," I replied.
"Okay, we'll stop for today," said Logan.
"What?" said Ben. "Just because she's giving up doesn't mean we have to follow her."
"Well, I'm stopping. You do what you want," answered the young man with blond hair.
Then, he made me come down from the ramp and took me inside to take care of my scratches.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Yes, it stings a little, but I'm fine," I said.
"Ben should never have talked to you like that," said the blond man.
"Don't blame him, he loves skateboarding. And it's not a big deal, it was my fault."
"Not at all," he said. "And he didn't have to..."
"Logan," I interrupted him, "calm down."
Then, so that he relaxes, I kissed him ardently. He answered my kiss a little late, surprised by my initiative. He tightened his arms around my waist and I was invaded by a feeling of safety. And of serenity.
When he ended our embrace, I felt a void in my heart. He must have noticed because he took my hand in his and caressed my palm to soothe me. Then he led me through the maze of the center to Dr. Parish's office.
"Hello, lovebirds!" he said as we entered.
"We could say the same thing about you," Logan replied with a mischievous smile.
"No way! Anyway, I see you went skating."
We nodded at the same time as the adult pointed to the couch where we sat a minute later.
"How was it?" he said, looking at me.
"Well, let's just say it's not my thing," I admitted.
"It's normal to fall the first few times. I can't tell you how many times this joker or his friends have come here to lick their wounds," said Steve, turning his head towards Logan.
"We love to get hurt, that's why," said Logan sarcastically while Steve sighed.
*****
Chapter Twenty-Eight.
"I must say that I very much appreciated your point of view," Ms. Genger said to Ellie and her partner as she handed them their presentation.
Then she continued to walk around the room, looking for the people on her sheets. It took her at least ten minutes, until she got to Logan and me.
"Sloppy work, that's all," she said, frowning at us. "But that doesn't surprise me."
Then she threw our paper on the table, giving us a grade of 9/20.
"Excuse me?" I replied. "I spent a lot of time on this paper..."
"Not enough, I thought," she replied in her high-pitched voice.
I was about to retort when Logan grabbed my arm and whispered in my ear.
"Calm down! She's not worth it. Let's just put up with her while we're here and when we get out, you can do whatever you want."
This didn't give me much comfort, but I forced myself to calm down. Logan's hand in mine helped me more than I cared to admit, especially when he looked into my beautiful amber eyes.
"Thanks," I whispered.
"You're welcome," he said with a huge smile.
Then, he turned his head towards the teacher and pretended to listen to her. I could tell because he kept stroking my hand and giving me little looks every two minutes. And to tell you the truth, I loved it. The attention he was giving me that I didn't realize was vital to me. After all, if I had ended up here, this was what it was all about. A father who had abandoned me, a mother who didn't take care of me anymore, my friends who had turned their back on me, even if I was partly responsible... In short, it all pointed to one thing: I was suffering from a lack of attention. It was crazy how a simple thing can have a huge impact that you can't control.
"Hey, is everything okay?" Logan asked me, looking worried.
"Yeah, I was just thinking."
"About my great abs?"
"Yeah, right," I laughed softly as he followed me down the path.
"But seriously?" he asked.
"About my problems, my family, in short, about a lot of things," I admitted.
"You think too much. You should think about my abs instead, it would cause you less trouble."
"Pfff," I huffed, giving him a punch in the stomach to tease him.
"Ouch !, "he joked and we burst out laughing in silence.
"Stop it," I said, "or it'll end up like last time."
"No, I won't! This is so much better than school."
"That's right, you love it so much!"
"But I love you even more!"
At these words, my heart leapt in my chest. I wanted to kiss him, but glancing at Mrs. Genger, I thought better of it. Instead, I held Logan's hand a little tighter to mine, letting him know that I felt the same way.
"By the way," he said, "put on your best dress tonight!"
"Why?" I said, curious.
"You'll see! And be ready at 7pm!"
*****
Chapter Twenty-Nine.
At 7:00 p.m. sharp, Logan knocked on my door. I took a second to look at my reflection in the mirror and admire my burgundy dress, a gift from Mrs. Morse on my birthday.
"Hi," I said in a soft voice as I opened the door.
Only he didn't answer me. He was amazed by my outfit and looked at me with sparks in his eyes. I blushed, feeling uncomfortable. No one had ever looked at me like that. And I loved him even more.
"I love you," I said, leaning in to kiss him.
"What's that for?" he asked me when I ended our kiss.
"For that spark of love in your eyes. It makes your eyes even more beautiful," I admitted.
"Come here!" he said, placing his lips on mine.
About fifteen minutes later, we arrived at a small restaurant, simple but at the same time resplendent. A lady welcomed us warmly and directed us to a table where a candle and a magnificent lace tablecloth were enthroned. Then we sat down comfortably while she gave us the menu.
"It is magnificent," I said when I had finally found my voice in front of so much splendor.
"Do you like it?" he asked, taking my palm in his.
At his touch, a million shivers ran down my body, warming me from within.
"Yes, I love it. I can't believe you're doing all this for me."
"It's pretty simple. I love you and I just want to show it."
"That means a lot to me, Logan. No one has ever done anything this amazing for me," I admit.
"I don't know why. You're a great girl and absolutely amazing. You're nice to everyone and that's something I love about you."
I blushed at these sincere words. Then I told him what it was like before I came to the center. I told him about my life in high school, where no one would talk to me or even approach me because of their stupid label that made me look like a loser to my former classmates. I told him about my resentment of my father's abandonment and the complex relationship I had with my mother. I told him that the person I cared about most, before I met him and Ellie, was my little brother Tony, that he was the person I cherished most in the world, that he was the best little brother on the planet. And that I had disappointed him with my behavior. Because he was hurt by my action even though he tried to hide it. I told him absolutely everything, leaving myself fragile and vulnerable in front of this being I loved and it was the only way for me to make him understand that I loved him beyond words. When I finished, I took a deep breath and released all the tension that had built up inside me. I felt liberated in a way.
"I'm sorry," the young man suddenly said. "I know you don't want pity or sympathy, but this is so unfair and I don't want you to carry this weight alone. And by sharing all this with me, I thank you for trusting me enough to do it, I feel like you're letting go of some of this weight. It would be so much easier if you hadn't gone through all that. But you can't change the past and that's a shame in a way. You deserve a better life, so much better than the one you had. And it makes me mad to be so helpless. I'd like to protect you from your past but I can't."
"You're here, and believe me, that's enough," I said with all the sincerity in my voice.
Then he got up from the table, abandoning the meal we had been served a few minutes earlier. He insisted that I do the same and suddenly threw himself on my lips for a passionate kiss.
"I love you so much," he whispered, laying his head in the hollow of my neck.
*****
Chapter Thirty.
"Today is a beautiful day," I said to myself as I opened the curtains to my room. It was finally the weekend and after a hard day of work the day before, I needed to relax. So I decided to go find Logan, to spend some time with him, maybe talk again like when I had unpacked everything two days before. After getting ready, I went out into the hallway and took several turns until I found myself in front of his room, a smile on my face at the prospect of seeing him. As I approached, I heard voices shouting in his room. Worried, I almost went inside, but something stopped me dead in my tracks.
"Stop it, Logan!" shouted Ben. "I'm sick of your crap with Amber."
"It's not bullshit," he retorted. "You can't go on like this Ben, don't forget your liver."
"Oh, you're not my dad, so get off my back. Besides, you never would have stopped if it wasn't for her. So why do I have to do it too, huh? Besides, I don't like your Amber."
"She's not my Amber. And I'll have you know that we made a pact," replied Logan, and I felt my heart break a little.
"I don't give a shit about your pact!"
"Well," Cody interjected, "don't make a big deal out of it."
"Oh, that's right, I forgot. You're blinded by love too! Besides, I never wanted to make that pact."
"Then why did you?" asked the dark-haired young man with almond eyes.
"I... I don't know," he admitted in a small voice.
"You shouldn't do it anymore," Cody advised. "Drugs bring nothing but trouble."
"Oh, get off me! We made this pact because of Amber, she's the source of our problems."
"Stop talking nonsense," said Logan.
"You can't see it, you're crazy about her," said Ben.
Suddenly there was silence, but the tension was still there and I could feel it from where I was standing. I could hear footsteps in the room, but I didn't dare come any closer. I was afraid that the argument would start again even more violently than it had begun. I didn't know what to make of this heated discussion, but my heart was beating hard against my chest. It wasn't the same as for Logan or for my friends and brother. No, it was beating hard, causing me to feel short of breath. I struggled to breathe and suffocated in the tiny, shrinking hallway. Then I started to run towards the exit, looking for the fresh and clean air to take away this anguish.
Once outside, I breathed heavily, trying to fill my lungs. It felt like I had run a marathon. I was out of breath, but I was slowly taking it in, releasing my anxiety and leaving my problems in the wind.
Then I sat down on a bench and took advantage of the solitude that surrounded me to reflect on what I had just heard. I admired the way Logan had defended me, but I didn't want to be a problem for anyone. I couldn't stand to be an obstacle to my friends anymore, to be the reason for their discomfort, so if the only solution was for me to stay away, I would. Even if it meant that I would be heartbroken...
*****
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